Tuesday, February 1, 2011
I have noticed recently that one of the things that hurts people's feelings is rejection. Any kind of rejection stings, even when it's from somebody you didn't even particularly like, somehow even that rejection can be upsetting. And these days there are just so many more ways to be rejected - by text, email, facebook, twitter, voice message and complete silence. I feel sad for Amber that her family is strong-arming her with silence and rejection. She tried to help a family member, and it back-fired on her. She had to take a real look at why she wanted to help in the first place. At first she was sure it was out of love, but looking more carefully it was seeking the love from the family member that she helped. Love and approval, and connection. They are all needs of humans, and dogs. I want approval when a bone is thrown, and I run and get it. i want approval for even the little things like peeing outside, or not biting the F*** out of the new dog Breaker. I know that even he wants acceptance and love. Amber has made a bad-habit of over-working, and then she misses everyone, and they are off living different lives. I know I need acceptance, just like a fish needs water, or like a cat needs a fish. It's just life. Amber tells herself when she is alone that everyone is off having a good time without her, probably talking about how much they don't even like her. These stories can upset her, even though they aren't even true. She has a lot of wonderful friends and they love her, and she loves them. Lonely days happen, to all breeds, well maybe not to every single breed, but dogs and humans, for sure! I have to remind her that there are times when we are too busy too.
One time we had a phone call from one of our good friends asking us to look for a modeling book left behind here months ago. She called and called, and finally Amber snapped and said "I don't have time for this!" and once her friend came by to look for the book (and found it!) Amber felt bad that she had acted the way she did.
Today we went to the vet for checkups. Because Breaker came from the vet he was a fixer upper from the start. Breaker has a eye-ulcer we had dyed to confirm, and I have arthritis, just like Amber. So, we are having more check-ups in five days, and until then it is our mission to go out and make friends, call up old friends, and remember that people and dogs matter. Life gets busy, but don't be the one that could help someone become un-lonely, and don't get too busy to realize that our thoughts are just that-- thoughts, and often we tell ourselves things that aren't true.
Charlie the dog blog wuff
Again, here it is years later and I am still peeing on the carpet even after Amber takes me outside/ I just prefer it that way. I think by now, 11 years later she knows I am going to do it, and her scrubbing is like second nature. I'm just a dog, and if I'm mad, I get over it quickly. If I'm happy, that passes quickly too. I wish it was like that for Amber, but it isn't. Her family and her had a falling out and even though months are starting to pass, she hurts over being ignored as punishment. Back in the old days, communities were communities and people looked out for one another and knew each other and rallied round the old and the weak and nowadays that is overlooked in our busy insular lives. It's the same with Families. If we don't like what our family says or does, we just delete them from our facebook, block their text messages and say things like "I have to study and can't be distracted" or "I have to focus on ME now." Connection is everything in this world and it's important to make connections to make other people feel as though they are seen and heard and cared about and matter. That is so key to feeling a part of this world so let's all do what we can. All this technology for connection and what we really only know more about is how anonymous we are in the grand scheme of things. There are so many ways to connect with others nowadays and I think that's amazing. I miss Amber being connected to more people, she spends far too much time with us dogs, and not enough time with humans. Sometimes the hurts and fears get larger than life, and we can paralize ourselves in a state where we are stuck. I have a new brother now, a mini-pincher named Breaker. We saved him from the pound, and he has so much energy and is always ready to go. Amber needs to hike him, but she doesn't have motivation because of the stresses. She would feel better if she would only stop and think more of herself, but she worries too much about others, and when it comes to her, she gets sad and then becomes very busy to overcompensate. I'm a dog, and sometimes I do eat too much Kibble and put on a few pounds and realise I have to eat a bit less and I stop. But the one thing I don't have to contend with is other dogs yelling at me that I look fat....and meaning that as the ultimate insult they can think of. Dogs don't decide whether to like or not like each other based on how heavy they are.It's true, Amber is gaining, and this nonsense must stop. Amber will continue to text her family, even ignored, and I will continue to pee on the carpet, even when paid attention. So, life is as it is, habits are formed, and it's a doggy dog world.And for my extended family of Ambers: I love you just as much, just secretly. For those of you who have followed the daily soap opera of our lives, I hope we meet someday, keep in touch, keep the faith and be kind....live in love not fear and follow your dreams, they will all come true if they're good for you Wuff. Charlie the dog blog