Las Vegas vs Norman Rockwell

Amber and I arrived back in Los Angeles last night. On her layover from Utah there was a long stop in Las Vegas. It was shocking for us, as we just left the Norman Rockwell life of Utah. Amber exited the airplane and stood silent, and helpless as she was blinking over the footlights of a gambling city airport. The blinging and dinging of the machines, the hustle and bustle of the people, and the lack of eye contact, and quickness of it all left Amber realizing that she had left her heart in Utah. Something happened there this trip, that she will hold with her forever. She suddenly knew. deep down where home was, and it was buried deep in the mountains of Utah. She felt like she had been left outdoors overnight and rained on, again, as she looked at all of the strangers, who ignored her teary eyes. Instead the people of Las Vegas airport read the promise of failure in each other, and Amber had been in the position of hopeful carnality too -- years ago, when she got caught up in all of the lights of the stages there, where men fumbled in the dark for money, and perfumed women with plump promises skipped about.





Amber was haunted at that time with a million depressions. Years ago, Amber had forgotten to be afraid-- and she was swept up into that lifestyle as quickly as she exhaled her first fag of a smoke. It seemed like everyone was paralyzed with a formal smile, and empty crunching coils of failure. Amber couldn't turn back on the years, and she couldn't turn back on her flight home. Instead she just sat in a corner, waiting for the next flight home, clicking her zippo- wondering where the years had gone. Wasn't it true, that everything in life from the point years ago that she tried on her first stilletto, that she had done all the things she hadn't really wanted to do? Taking a hopelessly endless job to prove she was not a failure, but a new and improved self supporting traveler. In the end however, her life was on the defensive, her dreams were six inches too high, and her aristocratic spirals of smoke were fading. She boarded the plane, and buried herself in a book, ignoring the passenger in the next seat over fumble over each other. Finally she landed in Hollywood, and her friend picked her up at the airport. There was a birthday present waiting for her, messages of love from friends, and a genuine similarity in her home here, matching what she left in Utah.

Home sweet Home

Today was the best day of my entire life, and I would not have changed a thing for Amber. Her happiness was at the highest peak it has been in years. It was a magical and emotional high unlike any other for her. My ears are perked back with excitement over the therapeutic healing the day has given. While in Utah the girls, Amber, Aimee, and Jessie packed their cameras, and high expectations and headed to their hometown of Logan, Utah. This is the childhood place where everything went from normal to chaotic in a matter of a few years, but the general part of their childhood lay in the middle of the mountains, in a quant little town of Logan. They made plans to visit the childhood home where they lived, and knock on the door and see if it would be okay to come inside and visit the house, and maybe look around. Driving into Utah Amber instinctively knew which way to turn, and which way to go, to take her directly home. Much like me, she had her doggie instincts on high. A true home can always be found when you open up your heart, and let the wind of change carry you.

They arrived at the home at 394 West Center Street. They pulled in and right away they couldn't believe their eyes. IT WAS FOR SALE! THey thought about going and looking in the windows and they found an unlocked door. Suddenly the girls were running around inside and skipping from room to room, just as they did when they were children. It was so amazing, and so surreal all at the same time. SO much was the same, and so much was different. IT was home. It was home. It was home. And home was for sale for over 300 thousand dollars. Still, it was home. They went up and down the stairs, from the attic to the basement, one memory in one spot, another in another. It was so great and suddenly all the years of being out in the world, making decisions both good, but often bad had disappeared and they were home. Sweet, sweet home.

They all cried with happiness because this was the place where they loved each other, made dreams, put on shows, had Christmas, spankings, laughter, hide and seek, and most of all they HAD EACH OTHER. Things got rough once that house was taken, but while they were there, it was as normal as could possibly be.


Amber remembered the day that the house was sold, and she marked her name in the closet door. Her initial was still there. Right where she had left it. Amber's feelings and emotions and thoughts, and love, and everything from within came to the surface. It was still there, it was still home.

They also went to the old theatre Amber's parents used to own. They found another unlocked door (a secret one in the back that led to the coal room) and again, broke in and went through memory lane of working there, and late nights. It was bliss.





Tonight they are running numbers, and finding a way to buy their home back. Amber is thinking of moving there, to live in the home of her dreams. Jessica has the down-payment and the credit, and Aimee would live there too. It's all just thoughts, and ideas at this point, but one thing is certain. There is no place like home.

Wuff Wuff
Charlie the dog blog

Picture worth a million words

A picture is worth a million words, and so here are a few million.

Authentic inner puppy

This morning Jessica came in and woke Amber up by crawling in bed with her, and chattered away without a second thought that she may still want to sleep. Family is wonderful in that way, you don’t have to stress or wonder “will they like me?” or “Am I acting okay?” The family knows better than all of that, and you can’t play the victim card with them, because they know you too well, and your circumstance, was also theirs. How it affects us is different, and that is as plain as day with Ambers family. It is an eclectic combination of Felons, business owners, drug addicts, artists, polygamists, and models. The common bond is that they are family, and love each other very much. Love was never anything that was tucked away for Amber growing up. Anger, arguing, and some ignorant decisions (like switching or polygamy) by her parents still were done with love.

Aimee finally brought over some fags for Amber to smoke, and after a hot shower and a lot of coffee, Amber wandered out into the yard to see if the goat was still there, grazing –and tied to a chain. It had a bowl of water and walked right up to Amber the same way I do when I see her. Is it a goat? Really? And why is it here?

When Amber was young her family used to go milk goats with the Green family when they lived on another commune in Montana. Amber and her sisters got lice everytime they went, but her parents kept on taking them over there. Amber loves goat cheese, but still wonders how the goats feel about being treated like well-groomed doggies, chained to a random fence, able to wander about in grass. It all brings back so many memories. One particular memory is her dad drenching her hair in Kerosine, and gasoline to get rid of the lice, while her older brother smoked fags close-by. Doesn’t seem like the safest or smartest way to go about it.

Amber jumped in the 1927 Buggatti, put on her goggles, and went whizzing down the Utah country road. There were horses, emu’s, and more goats. It reminded me of a cartoon seeing her face stretch out in the wind-- and the history of the landscape blended with the car from the 20’s made it a great, but really a cold ride. Jessica has a collection of cars here including beetles, a pink VW bus, and a car called “the thing.” What a fun-but expensive hobby. The choices she made in her life led her to where she is today, comfortable with family and toys in the Utah countryside surrounded by mountains. It’s what you decide to do with your circumstances that matters, not what others try and make you.

Last night Ken told Jessica that “your family seems like they lacked something growing up, everybody talks, no one listens, and everyone has to be the center of attention.” Amber is not a psychology major but she is sure that somewhere a lot of that is true. It’s hard to see from the inside out, but when others see it so clearly, it’s hard to ignore. All Amber can do is try and remember her authentic inner child, and bring the love she feels for life, for fun, for family, to the life she lives today, alone without family, in the middle of the city of Angels.

Today is Amber’s birthday and every time someone says happy birthday I tuck my tail and hide. Amber has always been sensitive about her birthday. She always wanted to be younger, smarter, prettier, further along in decisions around love, career, etc. She also wants to have a closer relationship with her biological mother who is in jail this holiday. I wonder if she is thinking about Amber? Because Amber is adopted, she thinks about her biological mother on every birthday. She has never spent a birthday with her bio mom, and from the way her mother drinks, and holds resentments, it may never happen. She wasn’t raised by her, and her mom has a lot of creative talents, but loving Amber without perfected expectations isn’t one of them. The childhood is gone, but our inner child will always be there, with a lot of the same hopes we had when we were just puppies. Holidays can make you feel young, and old as hay -- all at the same time.

Ballyhoo Theatre starring the FAMILY

This family is insane.

Amber landed in Utah today after putting on her retro 70’s gear and loading herself onto the plane. She wasn’t quite sure she would fit. After all- she got a head start on the holiday weight gain, and has already put on 10 lbs according to the doctor’s checkup this week. She was welcomed by her sister Aimee, her niece Jessica, and Seth, Jade, and Emerald.

It was a happy reunion, and we went out to a fun little restaurant named IGGY’S, where Amber’s other sister Nancy met up with them. Ken, the chap who married into the zoo, came just in time to catch up to all the tears, and arguing, and misunderstandings, that only a family could get away with. The argument was over Nancy’s dog being welcome to Thanksgiving dinner. Rockee’s side is the side I have to agree with as a dog myself, about the eating at the table part. As a very untrained dog myself, I would suggest only eating table scraps and begging, but I do talk, and write a blog. So I am not normal, why would I want anyone else to be when it comes to dogs? For Jessica, it was no laughing matter. Amber and Aimee laughed so hard that Aimee said she peed her pants a little. This was only after Nancy told Jessica in an argument that she could not and would not come without Rockee the dog, and that the dog loves her more than the family. It was also after Jessica she could come over as long as she didn’t act crazy about her dog, and Nancy said, “Then that’s not going to work!” We laughed at her because it sounded like she had to be crazy, or nothing at all would work. She started crying and walking away, and Amber walked with her trying to console her, even though she was trying hard to not laugh out loud at her fabulously wonderful characters she has in her family tree.

Amber can see as clear as a doggie treat---that the yelling, and screaming, and yearning for love and attention became a family habit very early on, and that this was not something she wanted by herself. Her sisters are very similar to Amber in all the wrong, and right, ways. It was all wonderful for Amber, even laughing that everyone is so sensitive, and that we all cry at the drop of an argument.

It becomes easier and easier to have an understanding for people through time. Acceptance is the key for Amber and she accepts her wonderful family through all of their beauty, their faults, and their untamed spirits. Having been adopted into this family is crazier than it would have been if she had stayed with her biological mother while she robbed banks. Amber is hoping that her mom comes to visit her while Amber is so close. The group she lives in is very strict and they don’t leave the setting of Polygamy often.

The most exciting part of the day was when Amber got to Jessica’s house and saw a marquee that says: Amber Dawn Lee’s New Reality Now Playing! The coolest part of it all was that it was on a BALLYHOO THEATRE marquee. This almost made Amber cry because the Ballyhoo Theatre is one that Ambers parents owned for awhile when Amber was young. She has a lot of memories of watching movies, eating popcorn with cayenne and lemon, sweeping up under seats, eating candy for lunch, and loading the film with her dad. This was a good part of Ambers childhood, and seeing her name on a marquee that only she and family would understand was a priceless moment.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. It will be amazing, but if you hear this doggie yelping, and you haven’t heard from me in a couple of days—come looking for us. Until then may all of you readers and friends have a Happy day of Gratitude.

Road trip

Today Amber is back in town from her mini road trip. She decided last minute on Friday morning to pack her bags and hit the road with Katia and Brian. No one knew what to expect but the trip turned out to be quite an experience, one of laughter, heartbreak, and lessons unexpected. They traveled to Las Vegas first, and checked into a beautiful suite at the RIO, provided by our good and dear friends Ben and Mark. They are professional gamblers and spend way too much money on their favorite games in Vegas. Katia and Amber went out to a club where they have a lot of friends they haven’t seen in almost a year. It was surreal to them that the people at the clubs were the same, and that not a lot had changed in the year they were gone. Katia is a professional ballerina, and a lot of fun photographs were taken of her doing her art on tires, or just about anywhere she could dance. Amber loves spending time with Katia, because she is a true friend who keeps secrets, and has morals of a saint. She is a great gal, and Amber respects her completely, and thinks she is truly a friend of a lifetime. Amber wishes she was a ballerina like Katia, so it’s funny watching Amber try to do a kick, or a leap. It always ends tragically, with a trip to the chiropractor and a promise not to try that again. The road trip ended in Calico, an old GHOST TOWN of the wild west frontier. Amber was inspired, and excited about the history she experienced while there.



Amber was saddened by the death of another friend Tiffany. It has inspired her to write a new book, where Amber plans on collaborating with a talented author who writes in the same genre of the old west. It’s fascinating how history repeats itself over and over again. Amber looks forward to meeting with and sharing ideas and inspiration with the beautiful writer Chris Enss. Certainly Chris has no limit on ideas, she has published 22 books on Amber’s favorite subject: The wild west. Amber has lost three friends in the last 2 months to self-inflicted end’s. It can either sadden Amber into isolation, and despair, or she can take the route she knows best- and create a project out of the losses, and share with the world a voice that could otherwise not be heard.

Last night Amber spoke to Margo Romero who is ready to produce Amber’s romantic comedy script MOCKSTAR. Margo is an extremely talented producer and director and Amber works well with her and her partner Jeff Linnartz. They have already produced Amber’s film HOOKERS FOR JESUS, which is in post production right now, and Amber came on board to help them produce the horror film BUTTERFLY directed by Edward Romero, which is in post production too. After a horror film, and a drama, a comedy like MOCKSTAR is going to be a lot of fun. Last night Margo said she wants the crew, and staff to all wear 80’s clothing while on set filming to make it a lot of fun.
I love her for her quirky way of making things happen. Casting an A-List actor for the lead is in the works now, and another film is collaborated on and working it’s way to production through Blank Page Entertainment and Movie Junkies Productions. MOCKSTAR is Ambers second script that was a quarter finalist in AAA screenwriting contest awhile back. I hope that they wrote a part for a dog, because I like dressing up in bows and growling for an audience.

Stilleto's to suicide..again

Tiffany Sloan (35) former model and actress who was named Playboy Magazine's Playmate of the Month in October 1992 but continued on with her modeling and acting career, including her guest appearances on the hit TV show Married with Children. Sloan recently became a featured exotic dancer at Club Paradise, a popular Las Vegas gentlemen's club. She died of unspecified causes in Las Vegas, Nevada on November 1, 2008.


Amber was deeply saddened to hear of another dear friends overdose. She had wonderful memories with Tiffany, and always looked up to her for having such a strong determined soul. Amber will cherish every memory, and is deeply affected by the loss of another close friend. It has been a devastating two months of losses with Amy, Bill, and now Tiffany. They were friends for years-- and knowing someone so well makes it harder to imagine that they are really gone.

Tiffany wrote this poem and it is haunting because Amber understands what she was talking about.

She Won.....

How could you dare?
I thought you cared?
I thought I knew you better,
well now that doesn't matter..
Your freaking insane,
you brough back SO much pain.
I loved you and I did everything for you. But what did you do?
I ran back to you more than once.
But now it's over and i'm done. She finally won.......
Tiffany Marie Sloan

Copyright ©2008 Tiffany Marie Sloan

Good Morning America and Art

Charlie the Dog Blog

Put an artist on a desert island full of great wonder, and take away all possibility of creating, and that artist will go insane. How do you paint without a brush, how do you film without a camera, how do you write, without the resources? It is a true test of will, that makes it possible to create out of the impossible. It’s the game of life, and people pulling together resources, and art, that makes history. Scientology creator L. Ron Hubbard said “ART is a word which summarizes THE QUALITY OF COMMUNICATION.” There have been so many events in Ambers life that she would like to turn into art in one way or another. This year she flew to New York to film Good Morning America and talk about some of her childhood experiences. She is working now on production of a film about those experiences. A lot of people are living just to cut down other beings, and destroy their art. Amber doesn’t allow those people in her world, and disconnects completely from them in hopes of a beautiful big picture. So now she is focused on her projects, her endevours, her journey of art. May all those who want to create, have the ability and resources to do so. If you don’t, ask for the help. It’s there, but you have to make it happen for yourself first. In other words, give a dog a bone, and make the best out of the bone you are given.

Charlie the dog blog
Wuff WUff

Castle in the sky

Charlie the dog blog

Jealousy can be a tricky thing. Amber has a friend who spends all her time with royalty, celebrities, and wealthy businessmen and women. These things never bring happiness, and Amber knows that many people with these things, and they can’t buy happiness, and that it’s always an inside job. Still a small green jealousy man sneaks in sometimes to taunt Amber and make her believe the grass is greener, and richer over there. Stuart Little said, “I think I have an empty space” when he was searching for his family in order to fill that void. Amber’s close friend Greg Brooker wrote that movie, and the writer himself has made Ambers life more full with all of his contributions to her world. Filling a void the wrong way can be the quick and easy fix. Some people fill it with toys, or drugs, or people, or religion. I personally fill it with a quiet time with my own special doggie treats. Life is a blessed thing, and it is what we make of it that counts. Amber has dreams that are reality, and dreams she still is working on. She is humbly grateful for all she has. It is by loving ourselves that we can love others, and without taking care of our needs, dreams and desires, we cannot fill the empty space with creative spirit.

Last night Amber filled her empty space with an assortment of different flavors of yoghurt from her favorite place: Minchees. She piled nuts, candy, fudge, pumpkin, and peanut butter crumbs on the treat, and ate it like it was the last meal on earth. Brian was guilty of indulging her, and he had his own. After a weekend workday it was a nice finish to a long day of planning and organizing with a pile of yummy.

Amber is starting her own film network group, and a lot of work has to be done in order to get it off the ground. It’s called www.moviejunkiesproductions.com. She feels it would help filmmakers get their projects off the desktop and onto the screen if everyone worked together. It felt good to come up with ideas, and figure out what obstacles could get in her way. There are a lot of decisions to be made, and Amber has reached out to Richard Lawson to collaborate. They are meeting to talk early this week. Some thoughts are:

1. Decide on a fee, and amount of hours for each member monthly

2. I made applications to apply what each persons mission statement is.

3. Decide on monthly meeting time and location

4. Have website built where contributions can also be made online.

5. Open call for applicants (all can join if positive attitude)

6. Agree on club secretary for notes, and other positions including treasurer.

7.Each member adds what he or she can offer and pay monthly due (approx 18.00 maybe?)


Examples but not limited to:
Time
Energy
Expertise
Equipment
Creative support
Set design
Makeup hair artist
Location avail
Music/ band rights
Scripts
Craft service
Edit
Lights
Sound
Camera
On set photography
Stock footage

Anyone with any ideas to contribute would be greatly acknowledged and appreciated. Amber’s friend and cinematographer “Blue” (D.T) is discussing the sale of/ or use of a camera. It’s all working progress, but by making our own dreams come true, and contributing to others—we can fill that empty space we all know about. Sometimes it takes a village to build our own castle in the sky.



Charlie the dog blog

Laundry the film brings excitement

Charlie the dog blog

Last night Amber went to the Richard Lawson first annual film festival. It was so wonderful seeing friends and actors celebrating their work. She felt so inspired by all of the films. Her own film LAUNDRY premiered there. She felt so excited by Richard Lawsons dedication to filmmaking, and after talking to Shervin and Sasha, she decided to make a production group. She is putting this out as her first postulate to the group:

Movie Junkies Productions is a practical collective of filmmakers who donate to each others projects in order to green light our own films. We have a monthly fee to join, and a certain number of hours must be contributed to remain a member. We not only work on our own films, but help each other make dreams come true. "Never Wait" 

One challenge has always confronted filmmakers at every level of the business- How can we convert our ideas into reality? 

In 2008 Amber set out to find her own solution to that question. The traditional answer meant waiting...waiting to be introduced to the right contacts, waiting to have scripts read, waiting to get the green light. 

Waiting, in other words, for someone else to give permission. But Amber isn’t satisfied with waiting, and she saw that the digital video revolution had provided us with new low-cost, high-quality tools to reduce the obstacles of movie production. Realizing she had the freedom to make films with no one's permission but her own, she began working on a collaborative group.

All we had to provide was the hard work to make it happen.



Film Fast, Film Well, Film Often 

Movie Junkies productions is a creative collective of filmmakers actively dedicated to bringing our visions to life. Since our inception we will shoot at least one script every month, moving quickly from concept to production to post.

We get our movies made. 

Whatever the story, wherever the setting, we find a way to make it real. Veterans of dozens of short films Movie Junkie’s productions is going to be constantly moving forward, making bigger and better movies, and we're always looking for talented and motivated people to join our cast or crew. You won't find a nicer group of filmmakers working today., more professional, or more fun.

My tail is wagging with anticipation to see how this all plays out.

Charlie the dog blog

Pictures in mini

High School

Charlie the dog blog

It’s a beautiful day in Hollywood. The sun is shining, the movie-stars are strutting, and the traffic is at an all time high. My tail is wagging, because Brian took us outside this morning to play with the neighbor dogs. Amber has had a fun time this week re-connecting with her old high school clan. Amber told me that “When we are in high school we think that our entire life is defined by who we are there. In a lot of ways we are defined in High-school, but not in the way we believe. We are finally coming into our own as young adults, and we think we have everything figured out. The hard knocks we get in those significant years help shape us into who we are.” I’m so glad I’m a dog, and the training and school, and hard knocks are mostly spared.

Yesterday was Damon’s birthday. Amber and Damon were high school sweethearts on some days, and pulled each other’s hair out on others. Amber started dating him when all she had was a bike, and they lived a few blocks away. They fought a lot, but they did have a long standing love for each other, and went through a lot together over the years. They went to prom together, and then 10 years later they went to their high school reunion together (his). They traveled to Denver to walk on fire together, and rode his Harley to biker conventions to get away and just feel the wind. They had an accident, where a truck hit them in an intersection, and Amber feels that Damon saved her life that day because he covered her as the truck hit. Amber broke her jaw, and knocked her head pretty good. Damon had a real love for motorcycles, BBQ, Hawaii Oceanside, and friends. He will always be missed, and Amber wears an engagement ring he gave her years ago for a wedding they were both too immature to have. Both Amber and Damon had different relationships with others, but your first real love will always matter. Audrey, his beautiful sister read a poem in a floral filled funeral for Damon that will always mean a lot. She is a true light, and Amber feels blessed to know her.

The surest thing there is is we are riders,
And though none too successful at it, guiders,
Through everything presented, land and tide
And now the very air, of what we ride.

What is this talked-of mystery of birth
But being mounted bareback on the earth?
We can just see the infant up astride,
His small fist buried in the bushy hide.

There is our wildest mount--a headless horse.
But though it runs unbridled off its course,
And all our blandishments would seem defied,
We have ideas yet that we haven't tried.

The pictures of Damon and his friends making mini trucks to cruise Broadway are always funny to laugh at. Amber also has had a chance through facebook to catch up with other friends she used to hang out with in school…and it’s amazing and fun to see where they are today. Rainey, Vanessa, Chris, Sandy..and the group of Damon’s crazy friends. Life is full of memories both good and bad. It’s a wonderful world when you look at the big picture and realize that life is just as it’s supposed to be. We live, we learn, we play..and we build memories that last forever. For this pup, I am glad Amber has had the wonderful experiences she’s had.

Charlie the dog blog
Wuff Wuff

Lost in a cage

There are days when Amber struggles with who she is. Her past was so distinct and she knew exactly what was expected of her, and she did it well. Her present takes alot of work with details, and ethics, and she has to pray to God for daily guidance. It's a challenge when you change everything you knew, to become something different. I'm proud of Amber for the progress, but she misses knowing exactly where she belonged...even if it was just losing herself in a cage.

Wuff wuff
Charlie the dog blog

Fambly with a B

Last night Jessica (Ambers niece) surprised her with a ticket to Utah for her birthday. After figuring out the schedule Amber set the dates for a Thanksgiving/Birthday trip. It was fun for Amber to talk to her niece and laugh about the silly and absurd things that our family does. Some things we can mention..like dumpster diving, and other things we just wont even talk about. It's a fambly with a b. Jessica is around the same age as Amber and her sisters Celeste and Aimee, so they are all especially close.

Family relationships are an interesting dynamic. There will be outrageous fights, where Amber has sat on her throne like a princess and proclaimed she would "never talk to these guys again" and there has been laughter, tears, memories, experiences like no other, and overall alot of real love. Amber is blessed to have her family where they were all taught the importance of being together, and loving each other. The hillbilly yelling was also taught unfortunately, but at the end of the day--there is always a special bond with her family that is like no other bond in the world. These are the people that have a real understanding of who she is, and she knows them--and there will always be ..fambly.

Nancy, Lisa, Lee, Amber, Celeste, Aimee.
And then there are all of their children, grown up in body, but never in spirit. xoxo

Amber is all grown up she has her own family with a B. Allie is the most beautiful person in the world to Amber, and she makes Amber smile constantly. She is with her dad in Oklahoma during the school year, but she will be hopping on the first plane home for Christmas. Our family is ageless and timeless...and family with or without the B is the most important thing in the world. For this dog, I am glad to be a part of it.

Charlie the dog blogger

Marry me

Erin and Chuck are great life editors. They save my ass daily from myself, and I love them for it. Chuck MARRY ME. LOL.

Flirting with a rock

Sometimes little dogs like myself can be very evil. This morning I heard the alarm buzz, but Amber didn’t. Instead of waking her up, or nudging her with my paw…I just continued to snore. Ten minutes before time to be at work, she jumped up, did a speed breakdown of her wardrobe, and shot out the door with make-up bag and phone, ready for her day. Erin was already there working, and she always makes Amber smile. The weekend soapbox racing was a blast.