Everything is happening exactly as it is supposed to, with hidden blessings soon to be understood. Archangel Jeremiel
Last night I burrowed under the bed because Amber was having nightmares. She was up, she was down, she was up. She ate half a box of cinnamon toast crunch, as she sat wide eyed in the dark living room crunching her dry food. It was a tough night for her with dreams of Mike Tyson burning ice cream on the stove for her, and her comedic friend Lisa taking her to a powerful ocean where Amber wanted to stay. Watching the sailboats in the gigantic waves....and feeling the salt water on her nose....seemed so real. Mike was angry, Lisa wanted to go-- and Amber wanted to be there forever, in the sand. Alone. This morning everything is foggy and tired. Amy is still gone. Annmarie is still trying to get rid of Bill (even took the police handcuffing him last night) and Brian is still resentful of things not being "as they should if he was loved." He is still waiting on a backrub that is the furthest thing from Amber's capability right now. I feel lucky she still rubs my belly--but her attention span is about as long as an ants brain. There is work to do, and life to live and she really wishes her every thought wasn't of a friend hanging alone in her apartment next door. There is anger, justifiably...but it takes alot of precaution to try and not act out on it. Amber wants to yell at Amy's new 5 week old boyfriend and tell him to stop taking Amys things that belong to those who knew her longer. There will be chaos around a chaotic event...and Amy's last quiet sad moment has brought out more emotion in Amber than can ever be described, and she is angry at that. Angry that Amy took her life, angry that Amy is renting space in Ambers brain and heart, angry...and waiting for the storm that haunts her dreams to settle.
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