As a doggie I enjoy going round and round chasing my tail. I run circles around our home, and circles around our yard, and of course....circles around my sister dog Jillian. My philosophy on it is that things come around, so why not enjoy the process.
Last night Amber ran into an x-boyfriend who had been a real part of her life for a year. It was strange and surreal for her when she saw him sitting a few feet away with his one year old baby and wedding ring. Amber tried not to stare, and attempted her best version of "no big deal" but it was a laughing matter because this is a man that knows Amber well. Finally they talked as he held the slobbering baby. He apologized for any mean thing he ever said to her, he acknowledged and complimented her look, which he couldn't keep his hands off-once upon a time. He told her how proud he was of her for the way she lives her life today and how significant she was to him, and that he thinks of her often--therefore having to stay away to avoid lust and temptation. It was a full circle moment that the two of them used to dream of. An acknowledgment of the love they once shared and a look at the choices they made. Amber was proposed to by this blue eyed man, and the future didn't look like something Amber wanted. Today she is sure it would never have worked with them, but the memories of travel, beaches, lovemaking, painting, and alot of music and candles will always be there, no matter where they are today. From an outsider looking in, he may appear to be an overweight daddy with a scruffy outfit and slobbering blurbing baby, but for Amber he was a knight who saved her from herself long long ago.
Today Amber felt like a real grown up while driving to work. Realizing she was wearing a dress much like her older sister would have worn in the 70's, and driving with a ciggie in her mouth in traffic with the Los Angeles masses made her feel like she was finally coming into her own. It made her happy and it scared her. Those days of techno dancing in a cage suspended over a crowded dance floor are at an end, and life is in session. Looking back at the house Amber loved as a child, and the memories of what she wanted when she lived there made her realize she is just where she is supposed to be. Thinking of the apple trees in the backyard, the dandelions that covered the yard, and two younger sisters (and a niece Jessica and nephew Mathew)--those were fun times where they all dreamed of being grown up with jobs, and cars....and yes, maybe even with our cigarettes like my older sister Nancy. Things are full circle as we are all grown up now....doing our deal, raising our own children, and hiding a grey hair, or a stretch mark so that we can stay forever young.
When life throws "life" at us we have to grab it by the horns and take the ride. We are all here for a purpose and finding out our purpose and the meaning of things is easy when we look for those full circle moments. Those days of acting like "Jenny" in Forest Gump are over...and even the wildest souls who are so rebellious must come home. Welcome back, and welcome home. This is our life, so close your eyes...love your lovers...pray, and keep up with the trudge. We are all doing it.
The house Amber called home was a magical place for her. It sits in Logan Utah on Center street. The memories there are the ones that remind her of an inner child that wanted to be a grown up. Amber wants to buy that house back someday and enjoy telling her grandchildren stories of her own childhood...climbing up and down the hamper, putting on shows on the front porch, hiding in a pile of clothes in the basement. Full circle life guys.....it's a full circle life. I'm going to keep chasing my tail and go round and round.
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