Diamonds

It's drizzling outside, coffee is being made for Amber, sausage is on the stove and I'm in a snuggly mood. I am serene. It still aches Ambers heart that Amy decided to take her own life. Poems are thought of, songs are created, and God is near. It really woke Amber up to her own life. Suicide is a very sad thing. Amber doesn't want to call it selfish..because it feels blasphemous to say things like that about a girl who is gone. But there are so many other options. Brian told Amber that it is a selfish act when she mentioned that Amy should have given her life over to missionary work or something when she felt her own life was over. There really are no words, just alot of confusion. Amy spent alot of her time in worry...feeling like marrying a rock star or losing ten pounds, or getting new breasts would help her. The truth is the help was needed on the inside..way down deep. Clearing out that wreckage of our past is so important. So now it's left in the hands of Amys family and friends who loved her to clean up the apartment, go through her things, sell her car, adopt her cats...and have sorrow about why, who, if.......???? Now those that are left behind have to write the second act of her story for her. That is a job no one should endure. Starting at the bottom over and over again has been an experience Amber knows well. Dealing with and learning how to start over from a heap of our own head trips, and rotted friendships is one of the toughest things to do. Amber has reached out for help with the struggle...always looking to keep the faith. Seminars, books, mentors, friends, counseling, medication for depression...and intense prayer to keep afloat. It's those moments that are like diamonds that keep it all worth it. Those moments of complete bliss. Amber finds those moments with the little things like Smelly shampoo, a new pair of shoes, a great new song on the radio, a day at the museum. Wanting to be part of the human race, the tribe, takes an effort on our parts. It's about celebrating those little gems, and passing them on to our friends. Facing the question "what have I been put on this earth to do" is a tough one, but it reminds us that life is precious. Life is magical. Life is not about what is in our heads but what we have to offer, what we give back, and what we create. I will pray for Amys family again today as I step out into the rainy afternoon -----and run errands.